Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize