you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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