screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
