I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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