Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
