I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we should paint friendship bongs
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