it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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