She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
