I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
