We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
