feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
