Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
