I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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