Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
