I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
