If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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