Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
