Pappa wants mamma naked
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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