apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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