the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize