I puked a lego.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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