Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
