SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
