Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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