good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
