Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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