so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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