i don't like sucking hair
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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