I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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