dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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