I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
