Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
