You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
