All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
