Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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