hell yes lets make some ravioli
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
