i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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