Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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