Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They have beer where we have blood.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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