Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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