new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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