i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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