grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
