bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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