i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
