The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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