i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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