Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
