I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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