I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
