I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize