Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
