Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
