I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got inside last night via doggy door
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
