OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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