it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
