Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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