Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
