I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
