i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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