Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
