The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
