I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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